Audiophile Quantum Sound Enhancer™

Precision Tuned for Maximum Sonic Euphoria (Placebo Guaranteed)
Quantum Bit Depth Enhancer
16-bit (Plebeian) 64-bit (Divine)
24-bit
Harmonic Resonance Tuner
Muddy Ethereal
Harmonic Purity: 50%
Cable Oxygenation Analyzer
Oxidized (Harsh) Cryo-Treated (Smooth)
O₂ Contamination: 70%
Soundstage Widener
Claustrophobic Immersive
Soundstage Width: 60%
* Warning: All measurements are purely theoretical. Actual audio improvements may vary depending on how much you spent on cables.